Miss Universe—I watched it so you didn’t have to. There was a football game, a weird Tea Party debate, assorted other things I might rather have watched, but no, I sat through the whole Miss Universe just to see what sort of talent might emerge.
Truth be told, it all flies by so fast, it’s just a swirl of bouncing ass cheeks and cleavage, it’s hard to sort the best from the merely good. They really are a nice looking bunch of ladies. Hats off to Mr. Trump for making this a true contest of hotness rather than some sort of watered-down talent show.
Miss Netherlands Kelly Weekers caught my eye, and for good reason. She looks like this:
Kelly made the final 15, but not the final 10. Given her looks and her country’s liberated attitudes about—well, everything—we see her in Dutch Playboy within a couple of years. So that’s something to look forward to. When the contest got down to the final five, it looked like it was Miss China’s to lose. Luo Zilin is beautiful and statuesque — six freakin’ feet tall! I had no idea Chinese women came in that size. She’s the Yao Ming of Chinese babes, and the other four finalists were probably afraid of her. I am a little bit afraid of her, but in an exciting way. There are not a lot of pictures of her, but she looks like this:
But guess what? Her answer to the question was total crap! Or, it was an average answer in a year when most of the other ladies were coherent. And so the mighty Luo Zilin was felled by bad talking. When she was announced as fourth runner-up, it was like King Kong falling off the Empire State Building, Goliath taking a stone to the dome, Ivan Drago hitting the canvas. The relief coming off the other ladies was evident.
The winner, your new Miss Universe, is Leila Lopes of Angola, and she looks like this:
Not bad, not bad at all. I for one like that an Angolan won because she makes me think of Miss Angola 2007, Micaela Reis, who after finishing in the top 10 for Miss U posed for a bunch of men’s magazines in lingerie and sexy outfits. She looks like this:
Will Leila favor us with this sort of sexiness? Possibly. I am pretty sure I could see her underwear in the evening gown competition (I think I also spotted Miss Brazil’s), so we’re on our way.
Miss USA Alyssa Campanella was the biggest disappointment. She made the top 16 but not the final 10—but that’s not what was disappointing. What was disappointing was the revelation that she is naturally a blonde and her famous red hair is a dye job. WTF?!?!? So much for this post. (Although this post and this post remain valid.)
Enjoy more Kelly, Leila, Luo Zilin and Micaela.