It’s right around the corner–the festival of chocolate, lingerie, red roses and pretty bows known as Valentine’s Day. Have you made your plans, purchased the necessary items, reserved a table at that little place downtown she loves so much because, dammit, she’s worth it?
It’s none of our business, actually. We aren’t here to guide you through the perfect girlfriend-pleasing evening (not on the Girlwatcher page). We’re about your needs. Your wants and desires. These things all too often get ignored on Valentine’s Day.
Well, we’re not ignoring you. We’re getting you a (slightly early) Valentine. Her name is Jessamyne Rose. She’s redder than a rose (naturally so) and she is, in fact, a Rose by name. Go ahead, put your nose up to the screen if no one’s watching, you’ll find she does smell just as sweet. She comes complete with a vast assortment of lingerie and can be enticed to do your bidding (we’re reading between the lines here) with fancy chocolate.
Jessamyne Rose is our gift to you, consider this your human Valentine.
“The Human Valentine”? Well, it beats her other nickname… “Mad Max.”
I’m a nerd about: Comic magazines with hot femme fatales.
I would rather have a root canal than: Work a mundane 9-to-5 job.
Sex is: Fabulous with the right person and chemistry.
My greatest weakness: Agent Provocateur lingerie will make me melt. I love that they even package their exquisite lingerie in the cutest pink box tied with a silky black ribbon. Smells like heaven too! Suspenders are a must [not Mork-from-Ork suspenders; in countries other than the USA what we call "garters" are known as suspenders --Ed.] and thigh high stockings are like the icing on that sweet cupcake.
Food that turns me on: Vosges dark chocolate, ripe cherries and raspberries with a fine nicely aged wine.
Something cool about having boobs: I get to touch them everyday.
When I throw a party I make sure to have: The best wine and brut Champagne from France.
People tell me I look like: It depends on the person and how I look that day, but common comments I have heard are a redhead version of Marilyn Monroe, Jessica Rabbit and I used to get Angelina Jolie for some bizarre reason but I think it was my lips that made them say that.
When I was 8 years old I thought I would be: An actress.
I’ll let you know I’m feeling frisky by: Lingerie, lingerie and lingerie. Stockings, heels, suspender, bra and thong — all matching of course.
My super power: I bake anything you want and I bake it well.
A type of ladies’ underwear I don’t enjoy wearing is: full cotton granny briefs in beige. Zzzzzz.
I will never understand why men: Scratch their undercarriage while speaking to a lady. I mean really, buddy, you don’t think we notice? Laughs!
If I were to go that way, my lesbian lover would be: Can I have three? Scarlet Johnson, Rita Hayworth or Salma Hayek. I like sensual feminine women who are captivating, curvy and alluring.
Song I am most likely to play turned up to 11: My musical taste is very diverse, but at the moment it is “Close to Me” by The Cure.
Something my parents made me do that still traumatizes me today: They made me wear tomboy clothes and called me Max after the movie Mad Max. I was a hyperactive child, jumped off roofs and ran around causing havoc.
The last thing I gorged on was: Vosges chocolate. My downfall.
The first time I can remember feeling sexy was: My first photo shoot, years ago.
The most rough-and-tumble outdoor activity I do is: Skydive, surf, ride rollercoasters — I love a thrill and I am up for anything.
A grown man should not: Make a woman pay on a first date. She spends money making herself look beautiful for you to appreciate.