Poet but didn’t even know it! So again here’s Claudia who appealed to a lotta ya, making you feel pervy because she’s so curvy, wearing bikinis that are generally teeny. But here’s a surprise, guys: You won’t see her hiney because, apparently, it’s tiny.
Ah, poetry—the last refuge of a scoundrel. Please accept our apologies for the doggerel. It is Friday and editing this interview called for a couple of margaritas. Mix your own and enjoy Claudia.
A nickname I have had: “Tiny Hiney.” I used to bartend in Miami, and my coworkers started calling me that because I would wear these low rider hiphugging pleather pants and let’s face it … my hiney is pretty tiny!
The worst movie I have ever seen: Hot Tub Time Machine. I didn’t get it and it wasn’t funny to me.
I’m a nerd about: Dirty dishes in the sink.
Please worship my: Poor weathered feet!
Try not to stare at my: Toes.
I would rather have a root canal than: Eat oatmeal.
Sex is: Good even when not so good.
My greatest weakness: Shoes.
If I were a drag queen, my name would be: Ida Slapter
If I was a Bond girl, my name would be: Anita Haveit or Double Didi
Food that turns me on: A sizzling steak and lobster with mashed potatoes! Rrr!
I don’t understand why people think I’m: A lesbian.
Something cool about having boobs: The one with the boobs gets to play with them at the end of the day.
I cried unnecessarily the day: I broke up with an ex. What a waste of a day!
When I throw a party I make sure to have: Plenty of booze!
The funniest comedian is: Dave Chappelle.
People tell me I look like: Kourtney Kardashian.
I’m too sexy for my: Shirt. So sexy it hurts…
When I was 8 years old I thought I would be: A teacher
Stay out of my way when: I’ve been standing on stiletto heels on a wooden platform for an entire day.
I’ll let my boyfriend know I’m feeling frisky by: Waiting on the bed with nothing but a red bow on. Just kidding.
My super power: Projectile vomiting.
I am completely freaked out by: Clowns.
The most unpleasant word in the English language is: The C word
A type of ladies’ underwear I don’t enjoy wearing is: G-strings… ouch! But I love me a granny panty!
I will never understand why men: Are always grabbing their crotches in public.
My most recent wardrobe malfunction was: At a recent shoot. Oh my—nipple!
My relationship with spectator sports is: I watch the Super Bowl every year. Mostly for the commercials. And because who doesn’t like watching a bunch of men bending over wearing tights. Go Giants!
The most interesting compliment I ever got from a stranger is: A guy recently came up to me at an auto show and told me that I’m so well spoken! I guess he hasn’t heard me after a night out drinking Patron.
The most exciting thing I did today was: Eat a cupcake named the Michael Jackson! Only in Austin, Texas.
If I were to go that way, my lesbian lover would be: Megan Fox. Just look at her!
My backup career if this whole “being pretty” thing doesn’t work out: To become a trophy wife. Duh!
Something my parents made me do that still traumatizes me today: Eat runny scrambled eggs
Last time I ate way too much was: Last night, at a Mediterranean/Arabic buffet.
The best thing I learned from an ex-boyfriend was: To never let them get away with anything.
The first time I can remember feeling sexy was: When I bought my first bikini. It was pink and had a ruffled bandeou top!
The most rough-and-tumble outdoor activity I do is: Lay by the pool
A grown man should not: Lose his cool.