***Hello, fans of searching for nude pictures of Blake Lively on the Internet! Allow us to welcome you to The Smoking Jacket, we sincerely hope you enjoy your time here. With that said, we have some bad news for you.
Here’s the deal, there are no nude pictures of Blake Lively here. Wait! Don’t just stomp off in search of one of the hundreds of thousands of other sites that you can find the pictures you’re looking for on, feeling that we, The Smoking Jacket, have deceived you. That’s not the case at all. Please, allow us to explain.
When the news broke that nude pictures of Blake Lively, allegedly stolen from her cell phone, had surfaced on the Internet, we covered the story in this very post back on June 6, 2011. You know who else covered it? Everyone.
Fast forward to today, and the Lively legal team has contacted us demanding that we obliterate those pictures from the Internet’s collective memory by deleting them from our servers. And you know what? We did it! Far be it from us to put up a fight, maybe one of the nearly 2.5 million other sites who posted the photos will get all “the man won’t hold me down!” about the situation. As for us, we get it, we’d probably want our stolen cell phone photos taken down too if they were posted by the most dynamic and game changing site to hit the Internet since Pets.com.
That said, the text from our original article was certainly not stolen from anyone’s cell phone. It was written by our very own Girlwatcher, and it’s a compelling argument about why at least one of those infamous Blake Lively nude pictures have to be real. But, as requested, we’ve deleted the images, so you won’t have those for reference when reading the text. But we have replaced them with something just as good…adorable little otters.
And now, the original text from an article that was once upon a time titled “At Least One Blake Lively Nude Picture is Real,” with a few changes here and there. Enjoy it…***
First–in case you haven’t heard, the celebrity nudity story of the month, or perhaps year, is the dissemination of some iPhone pictures that supposedly show Blake Lively topless and stark naked. Go to Egotastic’s Blake Lively archive to see them.
Blake’s people say the girl in the pictures isn’t her.
Looking at the pictures, we don’t think they’re necessarily all Blake; certainly there are some differences here and there that could signify that we’re dealing with at least some fakes. But think about it, what if you had just one picture of Blake Lively nude but you wanted to really make a splash with it? In this day of sex tapes and Mr. Skin, one little naked picture isn’t all that big of a deal.
Now if you wanted to make it a big deal, you could try to give the impression that you have more material than you really do. You could leak, say, a mixture of 1) non-nude photos that are clearly Blake, 2) the one nude of her that you do have, and 3) some nudes of a woman with a similar body type that are somewhat convincing to people who accept the picture as real.
This is Girlwatcher’s conclusion, having pored over the evidence.
Here’s 1), a non-nude photo that is clearly
Blake a very sad otter questioning the seeming insignificance of its existence. It could have come from her phone at any time.
Here’s a detail from 2) the one nude photo we’re willing to believe is probably
Blake an otter that’s been momentarily startled by the presence of a photographer, creating a photograph that acts as a metaphor for man’s intrusion into areas previously only reserved for animals.
What do we base this on? Check it out: Blake Lively is using an iPhone in a black case. Not all that remarkable. But look at the first picture, which we are sure is her: There’s some kind of non-standard engraving on the back of it above the Apple logo.
We messed around with the nude we think is Blake, blew it up a bit and tried to sharpen it with our subpar Photoshop skillz. (Surely there is someone out there who could do a better job.) And we think we see the faint outline of that same unusual engraving. This is getting into some Loch Ness Monster/Bigfoot/second gunman territory, but we think we see it. Here’s our blowup:
That is from a topless shot. So this girl, even though she doesn’t look like the glamorous and impeccable Blake we’re used to, looks enough like Blake and is using Blake’s phone.
Now for the sake of fairness, here are some examples of 3), nude pictures that we’re
not convinced are Blake totally adorable…
phone is too blurry picture is clearly not even a naked woman, but rather a proud otter who isn’t afraid to show its body off, so we can’t conclude anything from that. Our verdict: Not Blake Cutest Picture Ever.
It’s a pair of
boobs super cute otters who just so happen to be best friends and lovers. And frankly, they look bigger than one might expect Blake’s to be. This is true of several of the boob kissing otter shots. There is nothing in this picture to suggest that they’re Blake’s other than the words of some dude who says they are. Our verdict: Not Blake Otters are kinda slutty.
And what of the rest of the pictures? Well, the ones that are most likely Blake (for instance, showing the tattoos she had for her role in The Town) aren’t nude. And the ones that are nude are not in any provable way Blake. Anyone could take a shot of boobs and say they’re Blake’s boobs. In all the full-frontal nudes, the iPhone is always conveniently covering the woman’s face.
But we do believe that one topless shot is Blake, based on the markings we’re pretty sure we can see on the back of the phone.
Anyone with really good Photoshop skillz care to take a whack at it and prove us right or wrong?
Additional reporting by Adam Tod Brown.