Ask TSJ: Should I Shut My Ladytrap?


I love your column! And I’m looking for some advice.
I’m a really horny young lady who is getting married next spring.
I’ve finally found the cock of my dreams!
But even though my man satisfies like nobody’s business,
I’m always mega-horn and dreaming of nookie.
I’m not a cheater –
what can I do to get my rocks off on the constant without wearing down my man?
Or should I just shut my ladytrap when its calling to me?

Evie in Idaho


Hey Evie,

Thanks for the love. And congratulations on finding the cock of your dreams. Sounds to me like wanting more is just being greedy, but I get it. You’re on a roll. You think things are going to keep coming up Evie. But I’ve got a loophole, for you Evie dear. It’s not cheating if it’s with a girl and your man is watching. Also, watching includes PVR and TeVo and whatever the kids are doing with the computers. So, find an open-minded lady who’ll strap one on and bend you over, keep your man in the loop, and you can have it all!

- Mike



Sounds like Mike’s got a game plan for you, Evie Panini. But there’s a loophole to the loophole, I think, that our friend Mike has left unexplored. What if your main man wants in on the strap-on fun? Who’s cheating then? You? Him? Neither? Is the girl on the side threesome situ the gateway drug to suburban swap-and-greets?

Everything’s a bitch — monogamy, dichotomies, and then some, and so on. When you’re single you want the L-O-V-E. When you’re committed you want the feels like a stranger danger. It’s hard to know what you want when all you want is everything, I know, chica.

Bottom line: Open is open and closed is closed. If you want to open up the relationship for yourself, then your dude gets to bone other folks too. Does that make your heart race with excitement or fear? Whatever your answer is, trust that feeling.


Got a question for Melissa and Mike? CLICK HERE and fire away. If we use it… your life will improve immediately. 

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