5 Things to Look Forward to in “Assassin’s Creed 3″

Ubisoft releases the newest installment in the Assassin’s Creed franchise, today. Set mostly during the American Revolution — as well as in a 2012 near-apocalypse — the game showcases some awesome historical action-adventure.

Here are five reasons we’re stoked to play.

Assassin’s Creed 3 Trailer

1. Familiar Surroundings

One of the best things about the Assassin’s Creed games is climbing all over famous monuments and buildings around the world, but the monuments, mosques and monasteries that aren’t exactly close to home.

But with Assassin’s Creed 3, it will finally be some buildings you may have actually seen, or already know, or even care about. Sure, you could go Venice, or Rome, or Istanbul, but it’s a whole lot easier to get to Boston or New York or Philadelphia look up and think back to when you were climbing up the walls Old North Church, or parcouring across the rooftop of Federal Hall, or leaping off the steeple of Independence Hall to assassinate some British general.

2. Watching the Founding Fathers in Action

The founding fathers have become extremely politicized of late, people presupposing what they intended, what they thought, what they believed, but forgetting about what they did. They kicked some British ass! These were men of action, and this game will put them to historically-based-fictionalized action. You’ll be helping Paul Revere and the Minutemen launch guerrilla attacks, assassinating British officers on orders from George Washington.

And forget about fourteenth-century robe-wearing Italian inventors, you’ll be supplied with gadgets by Mister $100 bill himself Ben Franklin — just don’t let rope you into holding his kite.

3. Exercising My Second Amendment Rights

The last three Assassin’s Creed games have all been set during the Renaissance about 250-300 years before this new one. In that time there were some exciting advancements in weaponry, the long rifle comes to mind. I know gun control is always a hot topic and people are always sighting the Second Amendment in their argument for or against it.

Some say it’s antiquated and others that it grants them a “right,” but those kind of ethical problems go out the window with this game because “The British are coming! The British are coming!” Bearing arms against the British is literally the reason for the second amendment and we best do it because we don’t want the King of England coming over here and telling us what to do. So raise your rifle, take aim, and don’t shot till you see the whites of their eyes.

4. Hating on the Brits

Whatever happened to good old-fashioned Limey bashing? Maybe America and Britain have been on the same side more often than not over the past century or so, but there was a time when hating the British was a quintessential part of being American.

Now sure, it was great zip-lining through Constantinople and killing Ottomans with hidden blades, no argument here, killing Roman solders, or the Pope’s guard, or Borgia hitmen, all terrific, loads of fun; but I want to tomahawk me some Redcoats! I want sink the Royal Navy! I want to dump some tea in the harbor! USA! USA!

5. The Foxy Puritan Women

When making video games that involve the mass killing of multiple victims in ever more gruesome fashions you’re primary audience is young and male, so it’s never a bad idea to throw a few sexy ladies in to the mix.

In the past installment of the series it was easy — it was full of Renaissance Italians with loose morals. But Puritans ran colonial America. Puritans wouldn’t expose their ankles, let alone their tantalizing bits.

Should be interesting to see how they dance around that one — some unsavory wenches hanging around the port perhaps? Even Puritan ports must have been chalk-a-block with trollops what with the sailors and longshoremen.

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