Trailer Park Reaffirms Your Belief in Life After Love

Around here, we love trailers about as much as this woman loves cats. Which is to say, we often break out into tears in office meetings and out to casual dinners, because we can’t stop thinking about how much we love trailers. We just love them and we want them and we want them in a basket and we want little bow-ties and we want them to be on a rainbow and just in our bed and we just want a house full of them and we just want us to roll around. With trailers, that is. Because they’re like little miniature movies, and when you’re at parties, you can say, “Oh, I never saw that one, but I saw the trailer,” and you can be the kind of asshole at the party who says that.

I can’t, I just can’t. So here’s your weekly Trailer Park. Excuse me while I sit at my desk pretending to cry for two hours, thinking about cats and trailers. It’s gonna be a rough Monday.

30 Minutes or Less (Restricted Trailer)


30 Minutes or Less – Watch more Movie Trailers

Here’s the new red band trailer for 30 Minutes or Less, starring All Your Favorite Comedy Superstars, and it’s infinitely better than that old green band trailer, because they were able to include all the good jokes this time. “Will that be cash or credit for your rape kit?” “I liked that bear, I don’t even know you.” “Remember in middle school, when we worshipped the devil for like two weeks?” “Those were the best two weeks of my life.”

Yeah. So go see this.

Moneyball

When was the last time we saw a really, really good sports movie? I’m not talking about fluffy crap like Leatherheads, I’m talking some Friday Night Lights, some Remember the Titans-level greatness here. I’m talking about a film about sports that really isn’t about sport, something that uses a game and its players to set the stage for a play of struggle and triumph and raw humanity. You know, a great sports movie. This here could be our next — so keep your eye on it.

Kidnapped

America’s produced some great horror and thriller directors, sure- I mean, without Wes Craven or John Carpenter, the genre practically wouldn’t exist- but foreign directors usually take a subtler, more sinister approach to it. Like Funny Games, for example. That thing was scary as hell, and you wouldn’t find much of the gore or CGI you’d find from American directors there. It’s more of a psychological approach to the trapped-in-a-house-with-bad-guys-outside-it plot line, and it works a lot better because it digs under your skin. That being said, this is the worst dubbing I’ve ever seen in a film, even just from the trailer, and I might go learn Spanish just to see the original. I understand much of our modern moviegoing audience is functionally illiterate but subtitles here would’ve been SO MUCH BETTER. You hear me, executives? Oh, wait, I know you can’t, because you can’t read. Successful jerks.

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