The Trailer Park has rapidly taken a turn for the worse, with some questionable characters moving in. At year’s end, the movie studios save their best releases for holidays–Thanksgiving and Christmas–and then begin to dump off all of the ridiculously bad movies that didn’t make the cut for the summer, the holidays or anywhere in between. Lucky you, we’re keeping on top of the trailers for all of these absolutely awful flicks, with a few good ones sprinkled here and there.
Here are some of the best and worst trailers unleashed to the web this week.
No Strings Attached
Ashton Kutcher, Natalie Portman
In theaters January 2011
[Groan] Another g’damn romcom with Ashton Kutcher as a sly, yet handsome devil seducing an “everyday” beauty like Natalie Portman? But the premise is about them having sex without ties, you say? Are you inferring that Portman may very well be shown in naked, compromising positions on screen? Well, the old ball and chain will probably drag us kicking and screaming into the theater to plop down $15 for this; we don’t like it one bit, but we’ll take one for the team…
Just Go With It
Adam Sandler, Jennifer Aniston, Brooklyn Decker, Nick Swardson
In theaters February 2011
Happy Madison has had its ups and down throughout the Sandler years, but we’re really pulling for this one for two reasons: Brooklyn Decker and Nick Swardson. You know Decker as the impossibly shaped Sports Illustrated model, and she takes a turn here as Adam Sandler’s love interest who is tricked into falling for him after he uses his usual “married-with-issues” schtick to lure her in. (Jennifer Aniston falls in as Sandler’s friend who helps him land the girl by pretending to be his soon-to-be-ex-wife–things get sticky, as you probably can guess.) And Swardson? His big ticket is his standup work and guest spots on shows like Reno 911, but he has a long history with Happy Madison, including as the gamer nerd who screws Mrs. Partridge in Grandma’s Boy. If he’s involved, this one’s guaranteed at least a few chuckles and maybe one or two choking-on-popcorn guffaws.
Kevin Spacey, Kelly Preston, Jon Lovitz
In theaters December 29
Some stories just write themselves–especially when a-hole politicians are part of them. Kevin Spacey channels Jack Abramoff in this comedic biopic about the infamous lobbyist who stole millions in exchange for a lavish lifestyle. OK, the synopsis doesn’t paint this picture in the most colorful light, but we can’t help but want to see Spacey in the funny bad guy role again. It’s been a while since he’s done anything substantial, and we’ve been longing for the precise timing of his since we heard his voice throughout Moon as the bot Gerty.
Never Say Never
Bieber, Bieber, Bieber
In theaters February 2011
At 16, we were pacing the perimeter of the high school gym waiting for the damn dance to be over with so we could retreat back to the video game fortress known as our bedrooms. At 16, Justin Bieber has his life story plastered on our iMax screens…in 3-D. No further comment.
Drive Angry 3D
Nicolas Cage, Amber Heard, William Fichtner
In theaters February 25, 2011
In so-bad-it-hurts terms, Cage’s face is the gift that keeps on giving. Creeping ever more close to Mickey Rourke status, Cage plays an angry dude who busts out of hell to get revenge on the cult who murdered his daughter and kidnapped his granddaughter. Bad graphics, fast cars and inexplicably hot women hanging around Cage are all involved, of course.
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