In this week’s Trailer Park, a rubber tire is a better actor than Keanu Reeves (duh), a guy from New Jersey does what all guys from New Jersey do- which is drive nails through two license plates and a piece of wood with their bare hands- and the 80s revivalism trend continues, but we’re too distracted by Ashley Greene to care. It’s your weekly Trailer Park, where we watch the trailers you were too busy sexting with Rose McGowan to pay attention to. Not like we can blame you for that.
Stephen Spinella, Jack Plotnick
Yeah, we know what you’re thinking: what the hell did I just watch? And while casting a rubber tire as the lead role in a psychological thriller might not be the most, uhh, obvious choice, you gotta admit this doesn’t look THAT stupid. Suspend your disbelief for a second, you know? This played at Cannes, which doesn’t necessarily make it good, but does mean there’s probably a bit more to this one than “rubber tire autonomously rolls around blowing things up.” And Mr. Oizo is one of the sickest electronic music producers in the game- putting his work to a thriller could be something awesome.
It’s The Wrestler gone verité: a man from New Jersey named Stainless Steel- the only man in the world who can bend a penny with his hand- attempts to keep the things that matter in his life from slipping between his obscenely muscular fingers. What happens when a strongman cries? He proceeds to smash everything made of glass and wood within a 2-mile radius around him, that’s what. Well, that, and the touching process of exposing one’s emotional vulnerabilities and connecting with the people around you is explored, but things will also be smashed. Thats just how those things go.
Ashley Greene, Haley Ramm, James LeGros
Ashley Greene is smoking hot, and the good thing about this film is: it’s not Twilight, and she’s in it. That means no more lame excuses for why you need to go see Eclipse. You don’t have a niece, and that “birthday party” alibi is running a little thin. Also, 80s nostalgia: will it ever get old? Early poll results indicate: no, never. And why should it, with music this good? I guarantee you in 30 years when we’re seeing trailers for 2010 nostalgia flicks that Miley Cyrus song in the background just won’t strike the same chord.