6. JACK ANDREWS
Who: The chief race organizer for the 1908 Olympic marathon in London. He, along with all the umpires for the event, were accused of disqualifying Italian runner Dorando Pietri by giving him a little bit too much unwanted help while he was clearly suffering from dehydration. When Pietri ran into the stadium, the man was so blitzed that he ran the wrong way.
The judges helped redirected him, which was very nice of them and something that we won’t give them too much trouble over. However, after he fell down 5 times, the judges enthusiastically helped him back onto his feet before a crowd of 75,000 people. Pietri finished first, but the second-place American team immediately protested the unfair treatment Pietri received. These complains were accepted, and Pietri was disqualified for interference.
Most shameless moment: Once Jack Andrews and the umpires reportedly pushed Dorando Pietri across the finish.
As shown here.
Dorando insisted the next day that he could have finished the race unaided, which is something we’re going to have to take him for his word since Jack Andrews responded that he simply “caught” Dorando after he crossed the finish line. Either way, both Jack Andrews and Dorando Pietri were in agreement that the man was capable of finishing the race without any help, and it was because of the interference of these judges that Pietri was stripped of his gold medal.
5. YURI BALKOV AND THE BANE OF DICK POUND
Who: Ice Dancing judges. During the 1998 Nagano Winter Olympics, Ukrainian judge Yuri Balkov was tape-recorded preordaining his score with at least three other judges in anticipation for the ice dancing competition. This erupted into a firestorm which eventually engulfed the entire Ice Dancing Olympic competition, as well as fierce criticism from prominent International Olympic Committee officer Dick Pound.
Most shameless moment: Apparently, their entire career. Pound found that the entire judging standards for Olympic Ice Dancing were corrupt, and ruled that the entire game should be omitted as an Olympic category until newer guarantees for impartiality were put into place. In short: don’t fuck with a dude named Dick Pound if you plan to cheat at the Olympics.
4. EVERY EAST GERMAN JUDGE IN HISTORY
Who: The communist-leaning judges of the German Democratic Republic who routinely ruled against the capitalists counterparts throughout the entire Cold War. In some cases, they honestly did not understand the sport they were judging because of communist practices.
Most shameless moment: Probably once their unpunished crookedness became cliche. Even if you netted a perfect score, you could always count on the East German judge to fuck you over just like they did the Americans in the 1988 Olympics.
3. MARIE-REINE LE GOUGNE
Who: A French judge in the 2002 Salt Lake Olympics, also known as “the French Judge”.
Most shameless moment: When she brokered a deal with the Russians to score their team higher than France in exchange for high marks in another competition. Marie-Reine Le Gougne ended up denying her own French team a perfect score for a flawless routine, and with it the Gold Medal.
2. BUD SELIG
Who: The ninth and current Commissioner of Major League Baseball. “The Steroids Commissioner.”
Most shameless moment: Probably the entire 2006 Baseball steroids investigation, and how he did jack shit to shop it. On the contrary, the asswipe actually congratulated Barry Bonds of breaking Hank Aaron’s home run record.
1. BYRON MORENO AND THE 2002 WORLD CUP CONSPIRACY
Who he was: Quite possibly the most crooked referee in the history of soccer, and the figurehead to perhaps the most embarrassing modern moment in the FIFA World Cup.
Not counting this moment, which was awesome.
During the 2002 World Cup, Equador’s Byron Moreno led the charge of what turned out to be an entire series of laughably bullshit games. It all started when Moreno issued a call as controversial as Scientology by red carding Italy’s Francesco Totti for diving after clearly being tackled. The Italians lost the game, and screamed conspiracy since their loss allowed their South Korean hosts to advance further into the tournament.
Nobody took these charges seriously since bad calls are partially what World Cup football is all about… until Spain ended up losing to South Korea after having two legitimate goals ruled against them. After Portugal ended up losing to World Cup co-hosts Japan over similar God-awful calls, FIFA had no choice but to investigate these allegations for conspiracy.
While FIFA’s investigation was inconclusive, shit got real for Byron Moreno once he was accused by a Spanish newspaper of receiving a Hyundai car as a “gift” from the Korean Football Association. Already banned from football for his awful reffing, Byron Moreno retired.
Presumably while going 180 mph.
Most shameless moment: Once this man who clearly wasn’t qualified to keep score in mini-golf decided that he was the most qualified person he could think of to run for public office. That’s right, while being investigated for his shamelessly crooked World Cup performance, Moreno announced his candidacy for city council elections in Quito, Ecuador.
Seriously, a town called “Quit”.
It turned out that during his campaign both FIFA and Equador got wind about a game Moreno had reffed between Liga de Quito and Barcelona of Guayquil. During this game–which Moreno lied about in his records–the man permitted six minutes of injury time before allowing the game to run an extra 13 more minutes just because he felt like it. During this extra quarter-hour Moreno tacked onto the game his home-team Quito scored twice and eventually won the game 4-3 after losing it 3-2. Not like he fucking cared.
Barcelona president Leonardo Bohrer claimed that Moreno was ethically questionable as a ref and thus unfit for public office. Amazingly, the people who rig Ecuador’s elections actually had a problem with that. A disgraced Moreno would later remark: “I prefer to die standing up than to live kneeling down.” Since he spent most of his career fucking footballers in the ass, we can imagine why.
He even sat for pictures like an asshole.