We are just days away from the biggest gambling day of the year. Millions of dollars will change hands, and millions of those hands will be broken by big Italian guys who “don’t like excuses” about how your funds are tied up at the moment. There are literally thousands of bets that can be made on the Super Bowl. From the opening coin toss to the final score and everything in between. You can end your Sunday as a big fat winner or just a big fat guy who ate way too much melted cheese.
Here are some prop bets that you should bet…if only they were real.
1. Will “Big” Ben Roethlisberger be more likely to “allegedly” make unwanted sexual advances toward National Anthem singer Christina Aguilera (-110) or Halftime performer Fergie? (+110)
2. Since neither Super Bowl bound team has a cheerleader squad, who will the cameras go to more for some gratuitous sexuality?
3. Will the penalty flags be more or less yellow than Jerry Jones’ teeth?
4. Number of annoying questions asked by your wife or girlfriend during the game.
Over/Under is 27. They will most likely include…
“Why do those people have cheese on their heads?”
“Why don’t they just pass the ball on every play?”
“Can you get me when the commercials are on?”
“Why are all those Foot Locker employees on the field?”
“How did they pick these teams to play this year?”
“Do you mind if I watch something else on TV?”
5. Will the first offensive play be longer or shorter than Brett Farve’s penis?
6. Green Bay QB Aaron Rogers wins the Academy Award for 127 Hours? (-10,000)
7. The Pittsburgh Offensive line weighs more or less than Precious
8. The first funny commercial will contain an animal, baby or washed up celebrity?
9. LVP: Least Valuable Person
10. Will there by more total points scored than people who “like” this post?
Now, all you have to do if find a bookie or “offshore” gambling website to accept these wagers, and you could be rolling in dough like the Pillsbury Dough Boy at an orgy. Good luck, and happy gambling.