Stuff You Should Know: The Illuminati
If all you know about the Illuminati was taught to you by one Professor Dan Brown, then you are in for a treat, my friend. Because there is a lot more to this lovable group of invisible puppet masters than just secret murders and a conspiracy to set up a new world order. A lot more. For example:
1. The Bavarian Connection
Both the current Pope and the Illuminati were born in Bavaria, possibly on the same day, but probably not, because the Illuminati is 234 years old. Bavarian philosopher and professor Adam Weishaupt founded the secret club on May 1, 1776, and modeled it after the equally sneaky Freemasons. Some say the point of the Illuminati was to overthrow all the monarchies and state governments of Europe, but all those sources are also shady blogs created in 1997 and festooned with blinky dollar signs and pyramids. We’re going to go ahead and take their word for it, though.
2. The Illuminati was Wildly Popular – At First
Enlightened men all over Europe were on secret club rolls like white on rice. But they didn’t call themselves ‘Illuminati,’ they preferred ‘Perfectibilists,’ which is an even more prickish name, isn’t it? Within ten years the club claimed over 2000 members throughout Europe. But super secret white man club parties rarely last, and this one lost a ton of steam when the ruler of Bavaria banned all hush-hush clubs in 1784. Membership dwindled, Weishaupt was ousted and the Illuminati disbanded. Or did they?
3. Yeah, They Probably Did
While the Freemasonry survived the banning and continues up until the present day, the only people who really think the Illuminati are still around are wackjob conspiracy theorists. And the first conspiracy theory revolving around the Illuminati had to do with the French Revolution. This is how it went:
- Revolutionaries wanted to overthrow the monarchy
- Illuminati wanted to overthrow the monarchy
- The Illuminati were secretly responsible for the French Revolution
As hard as it is to argue with logic so tight you could take a bath in it, the evidence is sadly lacking.
4. For Our Purposes, the Illuminati and Freemasons are the Same Thing
They’re not, obviously, but in the beginning the Illuminati drew their membership from the same pool of freethinking aristocrats as the Freemasons. And when the Freemasons kept, you know, existing, and the Illuminati totally didn’t, conspiracy theorists just kind of tagged the Illuminati as the Freemasons’ sneaky secret overlords. Or underlords. We’re not sure which.
5. Illuminati Conspiracy Theory: Short Version
Illuminati conspiracy theorists are afraid of one thing: New World Order. The idea picked up steam in the early 20th century when a British revisionist historian convinced herself and others, including Winston Churchill, that the Illuminati and Jews were mos’ def behind the French Revolution. As the century wore on and conservatives got more and more scared of Communists and atheist liberals, the idea of a sinister mastermind group orchestrating world events picked up steam. The goal of the secret group? A New World Order, duh. One government, no religion, no states. So, pretty much the real life version of John Lennon’s ‘Imagine.’
6. And Then Bush, Sr. Stepped in It
Just when Christian conservatives were getting all riled up about Satan’s minions setting up a ‘New World Order’ through the Masons, Illuminati, Jews and ACLU, George Bush, Sr. said the following:
Now, we can see a new world coming into view. A world in which there is the very real prospect of a new world order. In the words of Winston Churchill, a “world order” in which “the principles of justice and fair play … protect the weak against the strong …
EEK! And now we know why he wasn’t re-elected.
7. Everyone from the Bush Family to the Obamas Have Been Tied to the Club
Well, yeah, after that speech. The Bushes and the Obamas, even though you’d think these guys probably wouldn’t chill at the same club. Bonus fact, if you google ‘Bush family Illuminati’ the first kajillion hits are from end times Christian web sites; the first one refers to George Bush as a ‘Luciferian’ and uses a picture of him lighting the Olympic Winter torch as evidence of his participation in Illuminati rituals.
After the above torch ceremony, Bush and his wife joined his parents and daughters at Camp David, presumably for a secret satanic solstice ritual.
And since this source was totally backed up by Wikipedia, you should feel 100% safe clicking on it. For sure.
8. Also, Jay-Z
Oh, Jay-Z is totally Illuminati, didn’t you know? Why else would a 41 year old man keep making those ridiculous pyramid signs all over the place? Because unlike past members of the Illuminati, Jay-Z has ZERO INTEREST in keeping his affiliation under wraps.
He puts cult imagery on his clothing line:
Sings about overthrowing the current world order in “Run this Town”:
And clearly turned Beyonce into an evil Mrs. Illuminati:
Maybe in an effort to do some damage control, Jay-Z wrote a whole song about how he wasn’t a Freemason. Here are some lyrics:
“B-tch I said I was amazing, Not that I’m a Mason”
Mayhaps not. But it doesn’t change the fact that he shakes hands in the Freemasonest/cultiest way possible:
But speaking of pyramids all over the place…
9. The Illuminati Had Nothing to do With the Symbols on the Dollar Bill
Disappointing, I know. It took six years for Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, John Adams and the rest of their ‘Invent a Great Seal for the United States’ committee to come up with the seal that we see on the dollar bill. Of all the guys on the committee, only Ben was a known Freemason, and his suggestion of ‘Moses parting the sea and using the parted waters to kill a crowned Pharoah sitting in a chariot’ was promptly rejected. Although we do associate the all-seeing eye with Freemasonry today, they didn’t adopt that symbol until several years after the Great Seal was approved.
10. There are Still Places Where the Illuminati are Thriving
Unfortunately, those places only exist in Dan Brown’s vivid imagination. Before Brown scored bigtime with The Da Vinci Code, he wrote Angels and Demons. And in that book, symbologist/protagonist (symbtagonist?) Robert Langdon chases down members of the Illuminati who are keen on blowing up the Vatican. With a canister of antimatter. Totally what Adam Weishaupt had in mind when he started his little club.
HOT LINKS
“Stuff You Should Know: The Illuminati”
12:23 pm on November 16th, 2010
‘Well it’s a well know fact, sonny Jim, that there’s a group of the five wealthiest people in the world known as… The Pentaverate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers… and meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion known as… The Meadows.’
‘So who’s in this pentaverate?’
‘The Queen, The Vatican, The Gettes, The Rothchilds and Col. Sanders before he went tets-up. Oh, I hated the Col. with his wee beady eye, and that smug look on his face, Oh your gonna buy my chicken, Oohh.’
‘Dad, how can you hate, the Col.?’
‘Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes you crave for it nightly, smartass!’
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPMS6tGOACo
5:25 pm on November 16th, 2010
This was a terribly idiotic article written by a terribly idiotic author.
8:22 am on November 17th, 2010
Everytime I read something like this, it makes me think of “The 5 Jew Bankers” from Sealab 2021…”The real reason Kennedy was shot was because he stiffed one of the Five Jew Bankers on a bar tab.”…Priceless.
9:53 am on November 23rd, 2010
wow. I thought I was informed. Now I know after reading your article that I am way better off than I was last week when I was reading an article on pakalert.wordpress.com
House of Rothschild
You make me laugh.
12:56 am on January 23rd, 2011
If this is how you truly feel or think sir you are saddly mistakin you sound alot like one of them coving up there existance when its every where how do you explain the words on the dollar and the owl in the corner and them being seen at a cult that meets once a year in front of a giant owl idol dress like red kkk doing cult things and the vid of that one girl asking one member if he was a member and he damn near punched her they are really they killed mj, they killed hendrix, they killed jfk and if you try to alert the masses they will kill you to they own fox they own face book, youtube, possibly this site they are really and they are dangerous beware the secret police
8:31 pm on June 18th, 2011
WOW, you are an idiot for believing that they exist, for God sakes, i could dress up in stupid shit and hit a girl for saying something and act like it, that doesnt mean i am a fucking iluminati. time to get your medications checked
2:21 am on July 12th, 2011
I THINK ILLUMINATI IS WEIRD AND VERY SELFISH WERE ALL HUMANS WEALTHY OR NOT AND WE SHOULD ALL BE RESPECTED AS INDIVIDUALS IN THE WORLD TO EACH IS OWN BUT VERY DEGRADING I SHOULD SAY…
7:00 am on August 4th, 2011
Thank you author. The point of the original Illuminati was to move away from the catholic church cover-ups, and brain washing that allowed simple minded folks to take whatever the church said as absolute truth. The point of the original Illuminati was to gather and create a growing population of people that realized they were being mentally enslaved. Other organizations have used the name Illuminati in the past, but if you are a free thinker, you are already an Illuminati.
5:19 am on October 9th, 2011
how do anybody know that this is a lie the news a tell you anything just to make a group look bad… smdh
1:09 am on December 2nd, 2011
What’s everybody freaking out about? He posted his findings and opinions on the Internet, much like how you just did when you bashed him. This is the Internet, it’s liable to be sketchy. But don’t be a hypocrit about it.
9:32 am on December 4th, 2011
I am a Freemason and i can assure you that the Masons and the Illuminati have nothing to do with each other. And to suggest so is just dumb. The only reason for the Masons is brotherhood and the belief that a person can help others be better people and in turn make himself a better person! We do not want to take over the world and destroy the unworthy. We are not satanists. In fact i attend church regularly and have no intention of getting rid of anyone just for being apart of the roman catholic church!
6:29 pm on March 14th, 2012
Retardation. I believe in it.
9:03 pm on April 23rd, 2012
jayboy your not a freemason dumb bitch
8:17 pm on April 28th, 2012
What a puff piece. Definitely not an article for serious research.
5:01 am on May 2nd, 2012
God have mercy on us
2:21 pm on May 7th, 2012
Jayboy, what level are you?
11:44 am on May 11th, 2012
to all u, ignorant people, this shit that he posted is totally bs i dont know who enlightened you, but if you dont know what your talking about dont say shit. none of you know a damn thing you want to know the secrects of the universe, eat organic food, take all the vitamins u can train your body discipline your mind, and teach your self self control. youll understand one day the secrects to it all. the power is in your mind my people… the most powerful tool in this world. bruce lee taught us well. study the art of fighting and war. discipline and elf control my friends. you dont want to be slaved by this other america then expand your mind dont be lazy get upm and do something you will know the secrets the ancients had i promise you.
8:23 pm on May 12th, 2012
bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch
5:45 pm on June 23rd, 2012
After living on his earth for seventy years and seeing the changes through the years, I have come to the conclusion that the biggots who refuse to believe the changes have been slowly but surely headed towards one world Government,will one day wake up and discover they are ruled by a Government that will have total control and there will be no way back.I truly believe I have (except for the last 10 years or so)lived in the best years life has to offer and pleased to know that I will not have to suffer the control freaks that will rule in the future. My heart goes out to everyone who are faced with a very dark future even though they sat back and let it happen, (and it will.
1:47 pm on July 6th, 2012
the Illuminati came for the 1129 and was one group of people called the knights Templar but in 1307 they broke up into 3 different groups THE masons THE Illuminati and THE knights temples that is were the Illuminati comes from
8:58 pm on July 12th, 2012
on the video of i run this town at the 4:00 mark the man in the center holding both his arms up have a pentagram on his right arm.
3:10 pm on August 3rd, 2012
Hi Cristi, nice try but you need to review your opinions posted as facts, improve and update more about your knowledge related to the illuminati and free masonry.
11:18 am on August 24th, 2012
typical idiots.the iluminati is real..there is so much proof..yet idiots still deny the fact that its true..if it didnt exist,why does all the proof make so much sence..wake up..
5:02 am on August 28th, 2012
I think illuminati sucks ho the the hell invented it we all have the right to respect other religions so selfish
5:05 am on August 28th, 2012
Iluminati kiss my a# because everybody is getting scared of it sh#shy
5:07 am on August 28th, 2012
F##k U illuminati
10:24 am on September 4th, 2012
shut the fuck up guys u better start believing this sit cuz its fucking true don’t act all tough and pretend u don’t believe in it ur just fucking scared u stupid ass pussys jay-z is a mason get over it if u like him or any celebrity that much then you’ll still respect him even for being in the illuminati and if its not real how come in lil waynes video mirror he does the illuminati signs in it and also funny how theres an eye on the mirror fucking dumb fucks oh and eminems song rain man ” my name was not become what i became with this level of fame MY SOUL IS POSSESSED BY THIS DEVIL my new name is RAINMAN” thats some lucifer shit faggots I hope the illuminati mercs your asses for being so stupid and to add to this article actually the illuminati is behind the symbols on money i know this because its not just a coincidence thats highly impossible and lil wayne even says “money talks” meaning look at money and it’ll answer your questions about the illuminati
8:58 am on September 15th, 2012
Illuminati is a devil and nelson mandela is too so make a plan for distroying it so that it wont rule the world
9:47 am on September 17th, 2012
Firstly, Nelson Mandela isn’t evil – he’s a good person whom has been through alot we both know you could never handle.
Secondly, the Illuminati does exist and it is one in the same with the Freemasons so out to that idiot claiming that the Masons are a good bunch of old guys promoting a ‘brotherhood’ you honestly don’t know what you’re talking about because knowledge comes with trust and if you didn’t know you only gain full access once you’ve moved up and gained peoples trust.
Thirdly, the Dan Brown actually exposes things that have been happening right under our noses for-almost-ever and not stupid fragments of his imagination – read The Lost Symbol for example, he literally puts everything we as ‘normal’ people aren’t supposed to know.
And finally, the New World Order is real – for Christians the Bible tells us so in so many different words. Read: Daniel 11:37-38, 9:20-27, , Matthew 24:6, Revelations 13, Jude 1:11.
[The guy that wrote this article isn't an idiot but is definatly blinded.]
10:19 pm on November 21st, 2012
It’s kind of funny how the people supporting this article cannot even type a coherent sentence. That speaks volumes about how much value their opinions actually have.
You people need to learn to properly use critical thinking and actually consider the value of the information you’re taking in. Does the person presenting the information seem to have a bias? If so, you should take everything they say with a grain of salt. Never take them at face value as they will purposely misrepresent the facts in order to get you to believe their point of view is correct.
I would say those of you who support this “theory” need to take a good long look at yourselves and the way you think. As much as you like to call those who don’t believe ignorant, foolish and sheep, it really seems more like that label applies to you. As you blindly accept “evidence” presented by people with a clear bias without actually considering the validity of the claim being made.
12:59 pm on December 6th, 2012
you know what? anyone who actually believes that illuminati and Freemasons are “one in the same” should try out this great new idea called RESEARCH! I have extensively researched both groups for the past 10 years,and all that research points to the same conclusion: they have almost NO connection! the only real connection they do have is that origianally the Illuminati and Freemasons were both religiously affiliated, contrary to popular belief. Illuminati were originally Christian Scientists, whom the Church disliked because it believed Science could disprove its teachings. Illuminati later became a cult-like organization, angry for being persecuted, and started killing members of the church.
Freemasons on the other hand, started as its own religion, believing that all previously known gods of all religions were different faces of the one, true “architect of the universe.” They also believed that, once full trust was gained through 33 levels of initiation, any faithful man could achieve a level of enlightenment such as Jesus Christ’s: he could become part God.
This group, too, however, was perverted into a cult. It became common place for these men to infiltrate governments to bend them to the group’s will
6:23 pm on December 25th, 2012
Being a past member of the Illuminati, Most of this information is fake, But the reason I left is when I found out about the NWO. I am not one to evaluate on such things, And having a family, Seeing them being controlled by them will break me, So if you ever meet one, Reject their invitation, They are thinking a way more bigger plan than you’ll expect, Though I am not going to say so, Or they’ll silence me.
Good day.
10:24 am on January 6th, 2013
Educate yourselves.
I’d rather them kill me then live a life with my mouth closed and my arms crossed.
11:40 am on January 11th, 2013
ILLUMINATI DO EXIST AND ITS TRUE
10:19 pm on February 3rd, 2013
It exists , it is real, it is now. Stop the lluminati.
We can only achieve this as one together otherwise the populations indecision and divide will act as a catalyst to their main objective.
#stop them
11:33 pm on April 23rd, 2013
All I want to say is God comes when you need him. I fear no one. God is my father and I feel we need to read our Bible’s its there.
8:42 am on May 10th, 2013
you know…your kind of brilliant how you can be completely arrogant of a subject, not knowing anything of what your talking about and still sound condescending..its neat! congrats…however next time i suggest you do a little more research before posting a bullshit article:)
10:52 pm on May 19th, 2013
Dan Brown…Then up and coming rap artist Danny Brown receives a beej while performing on stage from a girl clearly M/K’d and possibly zooted. Barely a blip about it. Lume Puppet…Random connection to name.