Power Rankings: 10 Sports Stories that Lost to Japan this Week

japan world cup

Despite Americans usually not caring about women’s sports or soccer, apparently it was one of those situations like multiplying two negative numbers to get a positive because the Women’s World Cup was a huge story. It had everything you’d want in this type of situation: a decent looking player with a Star Wars name people could cheer for, the strange fake patriotism that accompanies these events no one actually cares about, and when it really came down to it, the games had actually been very exciting. Women’s soccer fever took over America (sort of).

It would have been a great feel-good story people would have cared about for up to 12 hours, but they blew two leads and lost in a shootout to Japan. Whoops.

Here are the other stories from the last week that lost to Japan (click each picture to read the full story).

1. Japan wins World Cup…


I hate to play to stereotypes, but it just proves Asians are great at soccer.

2. Darren Clarke wins British Open…

darren clarke

Apparently having a white-sounding name is all that’s required to win a major these days.

3. Roger Clemens’ steroids trial ruled a mistrial…


When he was told the prosecution broke some rules, Clemens tried to throw them at Mike Piazza.

4. NBA schedule released…


The league also announced every game this season will be a special promotional No Basketball Night.

5. Shaq joins TBS…


The feel-good news of the NBA lockout. What could be better than the fun-loving gentle giant Shaq on TV with Charles Barkley?

6. Shaq allegedly hired someone to kill a guy…


Yikes. JK on that last one there.

7. Joe Sakic hit a hole in one…


Despite a Hall-of-Fame career, most Americans probably now know him more for his hole-in-one than for scoring five holes.

8. Agent says to expect “old Randy Moss”…

randy moss

This is the first time an agent has perfectly described a client ever.

9. Oldest soccer rule book sells for $1.4 million…

yellow card

It’s just a piece of paper with, “No useth thou hands” written on it.

10. North Koreans test positive for steroids…

kim jong il puppet

If you thought the American government cared about their nuclear missile program, wait until they hear their athletes were doing steroids.