It’s St. Patrick’s Day! We’ve already done our fair share of beer and sketchy saint talk, so why not go all out and give a little shine to something else Europe loves? That’s right, let’s talk soccer. Not the actual sport, mind you, we’re Americans, we don’t know shit about soccer. Instead, let’s talk about hooligans.
Soccer hooligans are the silver lining of awesome in the otherwise dull and dreary dark cloud that is soccer’s popularity. It might suck watching two teams sprint around a gigantic field for an hour at a time in between goals, but damn, those riots afterwards make it all seem worth it.
Here are nine great videos of soccer hooligans in action…
Soccer Hooligan Mayhem!
This one is like a scene right out of a movie. Two opposing groups gather at opposite ends of a parking lot, chanting and yelling and getting ready for battle. And then, they slowly approach and the majesty of war unfolds.
Euro 2000 Riot
Yo, forget the riot footage. Where can we get one of those tanks with the fire hoses attached to it? That shit is incredible!
Barricades Be Damned!
It’s gonna take more than a few strategically placed steel barricades to stop this madness from unfolding. Hell, at one point the crowd picks the damn barricade up and starts running with it. Now that’s dedication to anarchy!
Soccer Fans Gone Wild
This appears to be a trailer for a DVD of some sort. If someone has a copy, please send it our way. It looks like just the kind of violence packed thrill ride we go for.
F**k The Police!
It’s stuff like this that separates us from the more awesome and manly countries of the world. When we see cops getting a little too physical with someone, we break out video cameras and upload the video to YouTube and hope for the best. What happens in this video seems like a far more entertaining way to handle the problem though.
Snowballs Are For Pansies
Wow, we get all bent of shape around these parts when a fan throws a snowball from the stands. We should be thankful people aren’t tossing flares like these maniacs.
They Got Horses, Son!
Why do cops always send horses into riots? There must be some kind of plausible reasoning behind it, right? We’d much rather pull through in a Hummer or, ideally, one of those badass tanks with the fire hoses on the front. But horses? Why horses?
Spoiler Alert: This Ends Very Badly
This is pretty much all you need to know about how seriously soccer fans take their unruliness. In this video, a group of soccer fans spot a well known criminal at the other end of the bar they’re drinking in. So what do they do? They goad him into a fight, of course! What else do you do when a noted criminal is in your midst? Predictably, it doesn’t end well. What is slightly more surprising is just who it ends the worst for.
I’ll Call You Right Back, I Have to Beat Some Ass
According to the title of the video, this happened before a soccer match. That’s good enough for us to include it!
There are plenty of highlights to be found here. Notice how the guy who’s on the phone makes sure to end his call like a gentleman before continuing to throw punches. That’s proper phone etiquette if we’ve ever seen it. And did we mention the fact that the guy he attacks appears as if he may or may not have a gun?
There’s also the guy at the end who emerges from the doorway of the bar when he senses an opportunity to throw a sucker punch and then immediately retreats when he realizes the person he wants to punch might actually see him do it. That’s hardcore! Except not really!