Sexo y Violencia! The 5 Things I Learned from Lucha VaVOOM — Aztec Horror!

UNIQUELY AMAZING. UTTERLY ABSURD. CHAOTIC. These are my initial reactions when describing my Friday night in downtown Los Angeles.

LUCHA VAVOOM is a comedic, titillating and exhilarating take on Mexican wrestling mixed with sexy (and often scary) burlesque performers. As they state, “They like a little sexo with their violencia,” and they certainly didn’t disappoint. It has this From Dusk Till Dawn vibe where you didn’t know if any minute the lights will go off, faces will turn into Satan’s vampires and, welp, that’s my neck being chomped to fucking hell.

LUCHA VAVOOM TRICK-OR-TREAT

But that’s what is amazing about the experience. It’s bizarre. A bit sloppy. But completely like nothing else you will ever experience.

Here’s 5 things I learned from my LUCHA VAVOOM experience.

5. I DISCOVERED HOW MUCH I ENJOY MIDGET WRESTLERS

Never been a fan of small people doing things just for entertainment purposes because we like to see small people do thing.  Wee-Man. Verne Troyer. I just never got the appeal of these type of guys. Until Friday night.

It was absolutely amazing to see these little guys running around, bouncing off top rope and entertaining the crowd in such a way that was almost refreshing and better than us “normal sized” people. In a way, these little people wrestlers stirred up thoughts of the classic Vaudeville hijinks. A little bit silly. A little bit creative. But just good ol’ classic fun. My love and appreciation for midgets in entertainment will never be the same again.

4. MAN,  IT SURE IS EASY TO MAKE A TRANNY MISTAKE

A “female” burlesque dancer came out and I saw all the guys in attendance perk up. They were into this performance, dare I say — even turned on. This dancer looked attractive and… ambiguous. I started noticing signs of something odd about the performer: Weird hip line, sorta broad shoulders… maybe a bulge? Just as I started putting the pieces together, the burlesque dancer revealed to the crowd that indeed he was a man.

Almost in unison, dozens of dude’s jaws dropped. The egg was on all our faces. But that made the surprise okay. We all clinked drinks, shrugged our shoulders and smiled with rosy cheeks. You may never get an accurate, honest poll of how many men have made a tranny mistake in their lives. But I can tell you at least 150 dudes made that mistake Friday night.

3. YOU REALLY CAN’T GET ENOUGH WRESTLERS IN CHICKEN COSTUMES

You would’ve thought we were at an El Pollo Loco Convention. I don’t know why (and I don’t care), but there was at least three chicken costumes worn by Luchadores. There’s something inherently funny about a chicken. Aimless. Goofy. I never found myself saying, “Ah damn. ANOTHER chicken costume!” I found myself saying: WE NEED MORE CHICKEN!

“I found myself saying: WE NEED MORE CHICKEN!”

2. I’M FUCKING SCARED OF BURLESQUE PERFORMERS

Burlesque performers are intimidating. Almost all the performances are dangerous, complicated and basically insane. Most these women are absolutely hot in that you know it’s a dirty sin sorta way. They also seem to have something more complex going on upstairs than your traditional strip teasing dancers. I don’t think I could ever satisfy a Burlesque performer. I’d be too average. Too boring. And that’s what makes them even more alluring.

1. WE’RE ALL FREAKS

The audience was surprisingly eclectic. College kids. Yuppies. Punks. Rockers. Stoners. Sorority chicks. Everyone had “heard about this thing” and everyone “had to see it.” We were all unified in the intrigue. No matter who you were in your 9-to-5 life, LUCHA VAVOOM allowed us to let down our hair and let our freak flag fly high. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that many different people enjoying the freaky spectacle of any event. It’s comforting to know that your banker, your frat boy, and your grandfather ARE ALL FREAKS!

LUCHA VAVOOM may not be something you attend every week. Maybe not every month. Heck… once a year… maybe? But I will say LUCHA VAVOOM is an absolute must attend event at least once in your life. It has all the dressings of a wild, weird, confusing and fantastic show. It’s a unique experience you’ll talk about to your friends for a long time.

Nothing is ordinary at LUCHA VAVOOM. It’s the perfect backyard BBQ, everyone is invited, and David Lynch is the ring master.

LUCHA! VAVOOM! ONLINE:

WEB: www.luchavavoom.com
TWITTER: @LuchaVaVOOM

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