Power Rankings: 10 Relatively Positive Sports Stories From the Last Week

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This was truly a great week in sports.

For the first time pretty much ever, the World Series is not only watchable, but awesome. Albert Pujols hit three homers in a game. Like 200 football games ended with last-second dramatics. People have stopped caring about the NBA not playing so there’s no boring labor stuff to talk about. And nothing notable in the NHL happened so it was safe to keep ignoring. My parents visited me so I ate brunch for the first time in years since they paid for it. For the moment, I’m in a good mood, which has probably happened before but I can’t recall when. I obviously can’t even come up with one topic to cynically rip for 200 words at the beginning of this article.

This is the beauty of fall, without a doubt, the best time of the year. The fact that Tim Tebow is actually kind of a good football player doesn’t even bother me. I even have him on one of my fantasy teams. I’m not sure what is going on with me, but it’s sure not to last.

Here are the 10 fall enjoyment-induced relatively positive sports stories from the last week (click each pic to read more).

1. Jerome Harrison brain tumor discovered…

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The worst part for him is he didn’t get traded out of Detroit.

2. Troy Polamalu fined for cell call on sidelines…

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Reportedly the conversation went like this: “Can you hair me now?” Turns out he loves terrible puns.

3. Fox gets the World Cup…

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Joe Buck is already practicing his goal call, “And the ball was kicked in the net.”

4. Michigan State beats Wisconsin on Hail Mary…

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Even though Kirk Cousins yelled out “300,” the refs only awarded them 6.

5. Albert Pujols hits three homers in World Series game…

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Instead of getting a nickname like Mr. October, he’s just going to buy the month.

6. Manchester City beats Manchester United 6-1…

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This was probably the biggest upset of the year. Not the game, but the fact I actually paid attention to some soccer news.

7. Tim Tebow beats Fins – Damn it…

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I’m out of God jokes. I really hoped he’d not be good because I used them all up in the weeks leading up to him not playing. I’ll be reading the Bible to come up with all sorts of references for Power Rankings now. This is how Tebow gets you.

8. Joe Torre wants to ban beer in clubhouses…

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Babe Ruth attempted to roll in his grave but his beer gut was too big.

9. Saints beat the Colts 62-7…

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In the Colts’ defense (which is pretty non-existent), if Peyton Manning was healthy it only would have been 62-21.

10. John Lackey visits Dr. Yocum, having Tommy John surgery…

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This has got to be a disappointment for Red Sox fans who were hoping he’d visit Dr. Jack Kevorkian.