People and Their Stupid Pets

HUMANS HAVE KEPT DOMESTICATED ANIMALS FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS. Check out this picture of Egyptians with their cows. See.

Certain animals as companions make sense. Like a dog for hunting/herding/chasing around balls is practical and good times combined. Some animals make no sense. Like ferrets. Or parrots. Or anything that smells bad and shits indiscriminately.

George Clooney and his pet pig.

Frida Kahlo wanted a baby but had a monkey instead.

Teddy Roosevelt kept a one-legged rooster.

My family has had some borderline pets. My dad had this three-legged cat called Gump for a while. Like Tom Cruise in Born on the Fourth of July, Gump had the phantom leg syndrome going on. He kept forgetting he was an amputee. He’d lean into the place his leg used to be and slump to the floor. Then he’d hop up and lunge around my dad’s apartment with his weird-rhythmed, lapsed gait until he’d fall again. He had a fighting spirit, that cat.

In the 70s my mother had a skunk that chased her around her kitchen, biting at her heels.

There was a time after my parents got divorced that my mom kept buying not fun pets. Not weird like skunks, but there was an angry bunny, and there were def a lot of gerbils. And then the gerbils’d lay these litters of squirmy fetus-style babies and the mamma gerbil’d eat her babies and that was a gross cycle of life going on. And we had turtles. Until one turtle gnawed the other turtle’s neck in half.

The folks below out-do my family’s penchant for rescuing animals no one wanted with a certain Guinness-Book-of-World-Records slash carny panache.

Hats off to their enterprising inter-species cohorting.

Like dude with a croc.

This headline, reads, in French: Pierre sleeps with his alligator! Yep. Watch him run his gator a bath.

Here’s a lady with her pet elephant.

This dude’s bear was the best man at his wedding.


Related on The Smoking Jacket:
The World’s Five Favorite Animals to Have Sex With