Trailer Park: The Movie Trailer Edition

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How long has it been since we’ve provided you with a weekly roundup of new movie trailers? For real, how long has it been? We’re asking. It’s been a long time, we bet. At least long enough that we’ve forgotten how to write an appropriate title. Movie trailer edition? Sorry about that, we might have been phoning it in when we came up with that. And sorry we weren’t in touch. Hope you’ve found all the movie trailers you wanted to see on your own in our absence.

Alright, let’s kill the sentimental lights and get this thing started.

Contagion

It’s a near certainty that we’ve posted this in another Trailer Park recently. We post it now to remind you that you should go see it because it looks terrifying as shit and movies are the only place you get to see Gwynyth Paltrow without being completely annoyed. Enjoy her while she’s here, people, because she’s going to be dead soon.

In the movie, we mean! If you’re getting ready to hit the comments section to ask why we didn’t include a “spoiler alert” warning, don’t. Just watch the trailer. If you’re still unsure why we didn’t say “spoiler alert” after that, congratulations, you probably have early onset dementia.

The Ides of March

There’s a rumor (started by us, just now) that The Ides of March, in which George Clooney plays a candidate for POTUS, was written and filmed for the sole purpose of preparing for the inevitable day when Clooney takes to the political arena himself, which is about as likely to occur as George having an 18-year-old girlfriend when he’s 90. In other words, it’s a stone cold certainty.

Watch this on a Sunday afternoon if you want to know what having President George Clooney interrupt your NFL game watching with boring news about wars and natural disasters and such will feel like.

Apollo 18

Was the Moon Landing faked? That’s a controversy that Apollo 18 doesn’t tackle at all. And that’s good, because the subject matter at hand, another conspiracy theory that implies that there maybe was an Apollo 18 mission (canceled in real life…ALLEGEDLY) and maybe those astronauts walked on the moon too and maybe something ate them and that’s why we never went back, is way more exciting.

That said, we have a hard time believing the theory, mostly based on what we know about the United States’ willingness to invade those who would hope to take away our freedom (to move to new places and pretend like we got there first). If this version of Apollo 18 really happened, the moon would be called “Extreme North America” right now. Bring it, space freaks.

We’re still going to see this movie, though.

Straw Dogs

This is a remake of the 1971 film of the same name, which starred Dustin Hoffman in what was far and away his most intense role ever. It’s pretty well liked. Approximately 93% liked, according to Rotten Tomatoes. And hey, when does remaking something like that ever not work? Besides always, of course.

When the original version was released, it was quickly labeled one of the most disturbingly violent films ever. Allow us to now reiterate that this was a movie that starred Dustin Hoffman. Gaylord Focker’s father once made a movie that was so violent that a now famous rape scene was banned and removed for awhile (later restored). Director Sam Peckinpah was accused of directing the first rape scene in the film (yes, the first) in a way that made it seem, um…enjoyable. There, we said it. We’re not going to post a video of the scene here, but you can find it provided you have a cursory amount of Internet skill. We’ve seen it. And…yeah.

This was on top of the actual gun violence, most of which was handled by a completely unhinged Dustin Hoffman. That didn’t help with the censors much either. Seriously, it’s some wild shit. In case you’re wondering why the film isn’t a little more well known, it could have something to do with the fact that it was released the same year as The French Connection, Dirty Harry and A Clockwork Orange. That’s some rarefied air. You could literally kill a real person in your movie and it would still be hard to get the word out about it if you’re up against that kind of competition.

Despite the controversy, the original Straw Dogs is considered one of Peckinpah’s finest films. Can a guy whose IMDB page kinda makes it seem like he hasn’t worked in almost a decade and Superman’s baby momma (Kate Bosworth) do it justice? Nope, probably not. But let us know if they do. We’re still too creeped out from the first movie to watch.

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