Man Crush vs. Douchebag: USA vs. Chad Johnson


Oh, hey guys, just curious, who had the most medals at the Olympics? Oh right, it was the United States of America.

Who won the basketball gold and also invented the sport? U-S-A.

Who got to watch Jaimain runner Usain Bolt run really fast (hours after the event happened)? That’s right, U-S-A.

But seriously, this was a really awesome Olympics. It’s the first time I’ve ever actually been really bummed out they were ending. The athletes seemed like legitimately interesting people and the gymnastic squad seemed to actually hate each other in their weird high school drama kind of way that you don’t see outside of the Red Sox clubhouse.

For all the problems with the broadcasting of NBC or how we managed to make a girl’s hair a major storyline, the USA still won the most medals and with it, the title of Best Country Ever. With all of them problems America is facing, it’s good to see we can still have athletes spend their entire lives training for 10 second events better than anyone else.

Now it’ll be great to see how many reality shows/sex tapes these guys end up in (looking at you, Lochte).


This is more of a lifetime achievement Douchebag award than anything else. Chad Johnson (it’s amazing how quickly people stopped calling him Ochocinco) put together a great body of douchebaggery. And he went out with one last douchebag hurrah by head-butting his wife of six weeks after she found a receipt for condoms in their car. He was promptly cut by the Dolphins on television in heartbreaking fashion. I even felt bad for the guy, despite, you know, he just head-butted his wife and all.

For all of the attention-grabbing, ridiculous things Johnson does, I really think he is a good guy who just let’s his douchey tendencies take over sometimes always. His football career should have ended before this. But you know this isn’t the last we’ll hear of Ochocinco. As one of the few actual intriguing athletes on Twitter, Johnson will be one of those guys we can never completely get rid of no matter how much we would love and hate it if he did go quiet.

I’m sad to see this happen to him, but I couldn’t imagine it any other way. You were one of the great douchebags of our time, Ochocinco.

Now it’ll be great to see how many reality shows/sex tapes this guy ends up in.

Follow Scott Bolohan on Twitter: @scottbolohan

Related on The Smoking Jacket:
Michael Phelps vs. Nicolas Batum
Ryan Lochte’s Mom vs. NBC
The Olympics vs. Ryan Dempster 
Mike Trout vs. James Dolan