This week we lost one of the greatest comedic actors of our generation. Relax, I’m not talking about Tyler Perry, he’s fine. I’m talking about Leslie Nielsen.
Leslie Nielsen was always hilarious no matter what role he was playing. He’s been a spy, a fugitive, a president, a police lieutenant and even a vampire; and throughout it all, the guy brought the funny…no matter how shitty the actual movie might have been. But, as it turns out, funny wasn’t the only constant in Leslie Nielsen’s projects.
Sit back, grab a nightcap (even if you don’t wear them), and enjoy the “Nielsen Nine,” Leslie Nielsen’s nine sexiest co-stars of all-time.
Long before his Naked Gun days, Leslie Nielsen was seducing TV’s horniest grandmother, Mona, as Max Muldoon on Who’s The Boss. His two episode stint was long before Alyssa Milano blossomed into the “smoke show” that she is today, and it’s nice to see that she got Tony Danza’s breasts. But the small screen was just too small for Nielsen (which is ironic, since the whole TV ratings system is named after him), so it was off to bigger boobs on the big screen.
Anna Nicole Smith
Former Playmate of the Year Anna Nicole Smith was added to the third installment of the Naked Gun flicks, but it was her naked guns that really stole the show. Bigger than O.J.’s afro and bouncier than O.J.’s checkbook, Anna’s boobs were showcased in a red lacy bra, nurse costume, bikini and silhouette. They have been showcased in my mind ever since. Bullets weren’t the only things to be fired prematurely in this film.
Pamela Anderson and Jenny McCarthy
The formula for any successful movie should include a couple of Playmates, Leslie Nielsen and Charlie Sheen. Scary Movie 3 had all of the above. This time, Nielsen plays President Harris, but it’s Jenny and Pam who truly serve as Commander and Chief. It doesn’t hurt when half of the buttons on their shirts don’t work. Pam and Jenny, or “Pemmy” as I like to call them, are clearly in the starting five on the Nielsen Nine.
Sure, she may have peaked in the 80’s, but LeBrock has solidified herself as a sex symbol, and that status lasts much longer than Wrongfully Accused did in the theaters. But this spoof of The Fugitive delivered some classic lines like this exchange between Ryan Harrison (Nielsen) and Lauren Goodhue (LeBrock).
Ryan Harrison: Your dog sure has a surprised look on his face.
Lauren: That’s because you’re looking at his butt.
Ryan Harrison: Uh, then he’s certainly not going to enjoy that treat I just fed to him.
Jennifer Garner put most of the goo in Mr. Magoo. Don’t feel bad if you didn’t see it either, but it may be worth checking out if you have a thing for Mrs. Affleck (or a pound of weed burning a hole in your pocket).
Long before she was a cougar, Nicollette Sheridan was Nielsen’s kitten is the incredibly underrated Spy Hard. Dick Steele: Agent WD-40 and Veronique Ukrinsky: Agent 3.14 compliment each other in this James Bond spoof that was actually less ridiculous than Quantum of Solice.
It’s nice to know that where Jenny and Pam left off in Scary Movie 3, Carmen Electra picked right up in Scary Movie 4. Reprising his role as our President, Nielsen this time around gets to ogle Electra between takes. Both Nielsen and Electra have appeared on Playboy covers. Lucky for us, only one of them got fully naked on the inside.
If she’s good enough for “The King” then she’s got to be good enough to round out the Nielsen Nine. Priscilla Presley brought her sexy to all three Naked Gun movies; from having her beaver stuffed in part one to having an explosive orgasm in part two, to her lesbian experimentation in part three. Unlike the other famous Presley, Priscilla managed to keep off the weight. I hope her husband is taking good care of Lt. Frank Drebin at the big karaoke bar in the sky.
And why stop your trip down Leslie Nielsen memory lane here? Check out Leslie Nielsen’s famous Playboy cover story and more by clicking here.