MAN CRUSH OF THE WEEK: KANSAS CITY FANS
This week is always the least exiting sports week of the year. The All-Star Game is the only event that goes on for days. And to top it off, this year’s ‘game’ wasn’t very good at all, especially after Justin Verlander, who is apparently hooking up with my future wife, tried to throw hard instead of good, and the game was over within about five minutes of it starting.
But that’s not to say it will be completely forgotten.
During the Home Run Derby, it went pretty much as expected. Professional hitters hit lots of balls for home runs and Chris Berman orgasmed on the air.
But it turns out the people of Kansas City weren’t happy with the fact that no Royals players were in the derby, considering it was being held in Kansas City and all. Granted, there aren’t really any players on the Royals who are like, good at hitting home runs. But they really wanted Billy Butler, the closest thing they have to a guy who can. And who can blame them? The Royals haven’t done anything to be excited about in my entire lifetime, unless you count trading Zach Greinke, Johnny Damon, and Melky Cabrera.
So they blamed Robinson Cano for not selected Butler to be in the derby, since it was his call and all. When Cano, who won the contest last year, came up this year, the crowd booed uncontrollably, as if he announced they would only have tofu BBQ available at the game.
And the best part? It worked. Cano didn’t hit a single home run, something reserved for players who are usually really bad at hitting homers to begin with. I really like Cano and he’s going to go down as one of the best, if not the best, second baseman ever. But I found myself getting behind the crowd too. I really wanted him to not hit one by the end and was even cheering when he made outs. It was the best thing that’s happened to the All-Star Game since Mark McGwire destroyed baseballs at Fenway like they were Ted Williams’ frozen head.
Naturally, baseball is doing the thing it does best and is trying to take away any sort of fun in the game by making sure this never happens again.
DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK: RODDY WHITE
Remember Joe Paterno? That guy who won a bunch of college football games while condoning child rape by his coaching staff? Turns out he knew the whole time that he was, you know, allowing his coach to rape children.
But Roddy White wants to make it clear that he thinks it was alright since it wasn’t football players that were getting raped and that stuff like this gets swept under the rug all the time.
But I think the real problem here is Roddy White doesn’t understand that raping and rapping are different things. While it definitely would have been disturbing if JoPa rapped at his players, it is nowhere near as terrible as what actually happened. This is one of the worst things to ever happen in professional sports. And for anyone to defend what happened there, even if they played for them and may not understand English good, is unthinkable.
I honestly hope I never have to talk about the Sandusky/Paterno thing again. Everything we feared about it ended up being true. We just need morons like Roddy White to shut up and doing what they do best and ruin my fantasy team.
Follow Scott Bolohan on Twitter: @scottbolohan