In this week’s titillating (yes, titillating) Trailer Park feature, the Coen brothers bring more of that tasty Western flavor to the screen, Paul Rudd makes a romantic comedy look bearable, and we feel nothing but hatred for Justin Bieber. Wait–hatred and shame. That’s the ticket. It’s your weekly Trailer Park, where we comment on the latest movie trailers- for Science!
Jeff Bridges, Matt Damon, Josh Brolin
In theaters this December
At this point, if the Coen Brothers were to approach a studio and pitch a straight-up pizza deliveryman porn, would they say no? Probably not, because that porn would be the most star-studded, artistic and action-packed porn ever. Thank God they aren’t in San Fernando- this is another Western-tinged flick from the brothers, who pulled down a Best Picture Academy Award for 2007′s No Country For Old Men. True Grit looks even better than that. Just reading the cast list and seeing these guys’ damn mustaches should get you on board for this, because you know when Jeff Bridges is sporting a revolver and an eye patch, serious justice is about to be served.
How Do You Know
Reese Witherspoon, Owen Wilson, Paul Rudd
In theaters this December
Reese Witherspoon is cute and all, and Owen Wilson has that puppy-dog charm about him, but damn does Paul Rudd round out this cast nicely. Dude’s hilarious, and his lines here have just the right amount of bite to make this look like something bearable. Also, fun fact: Reese Witherspoon was genetically engineered by the Gap to push sales of oversized-but-still-sexy sweaters. The more you know! Notwithstanding, this looks okay, but if you take a date to this, she owes you a trip to Cowboys and Aliens. Fair’s fair.
Never Say Never
Bieber, with a side helping of Bieber
In theaters February 2011
There are so many terrible things one could write about this trailer. When that guy says “He’s 16, and doing it all on his own”- yeah, doing it on his own, backed by millions of dollars of entertainment-industry money, dude! “He’s such an inspiration”- to 16-year-old boys who look like lesbians! Why is he always scootering around on that Segway? Because he’s Justin Bieber! He’s Justin Bieber, and he can do whatever he wants, because he owns the hearts of our nation’s little girls.
That being said, anything terrible one could write about this trailer is futile, because the natural counter argument from Beliebers is “OMFG JUSTIN BIEBER AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” So, to spare the wasted keystrokes – yes, yes. Justin Bieber, indeed. In 3D, very much so. Quite.
We know we can’t stop our nation’s tweens from dragging their Dads out to this and proceeding to let loose a high-pitched squeal for the entire 2-hour running time, but damn do our hearts go out to those Dads. Your Dad had to do it too. Except not in 3D, which makes it way worse for you, bub. Enjoy it!