An Exclusive Look at the Next 10 Years in the Life of Violent JJ

Violent JJ

Have you ever found yourself watching an Insane Clown Posse video and thinking to yourself, “Please, God, don’t let those clowns reproduce”? Well, prepare to have your faith in a higher power shaken to the core, because if there is a God, he wasn’t listening. Not only did one of them reproduce, but the kid is making music of his own now. Ouch.

Because we here at TheSmokingJacket are nothing if not top notch prognosticators of future events, we decided to analyze the kid’s music video in an effort to determine what the next 10 years of his life will entail. Check it out below, but first, watch the video. World: Meet Violent JJ, spawn of ICP co-joke Violent J.

Horrifying, we know. But to his credit, the fact that he’s not actually rapping so much as having his marble-mouthed sound bites fed into a keyboard and looped makes this far and away the greatest ICP-related song ever. Did you get the joke, Juggalos? We’re saying ICP is a group of shitty rappers. Try to keep up.

But anyway, watching this video from beginning to end, painful as it may be, reveals some interesting details about what Violent JJ can expect out of life in the next 10 years. For example…

6 – 8 Months from Now…

Violent JJ Scott Storch

The scientific community will scramble for answers when DNA tests confirm that, somehow, Violent JJ is actually the result of an illicit affair between Violent J and hip-hop super producer Scott Storch.

2 Years from Now…

Violent JJ

After patiently lying in wait for an opportunity to present itself, the guy getting kicked in the video is going to pinch the shit out of this kid when nobody is looking. He’ll pretend it was an accident. It wasn’t.

6 Years from Now…

The seeds of an epic drinking problem are planted when Violent JJ realizes that the least-retarded thing Daddy does to make money is wear clown makeup to work.

10 Years from Now…

Violent JJ

Violent JJ will not be shocked in the least when it’s revealed that these two men have been lovers since high school.