Instead of posting the best movie trailers unleashed to the web, we’re rewinding through all of the best moments from the many big TV premieres this week. So if your DVR was busted or you got dragged on evening errands to Forever 21-and-Counting or Bed, Bath & Put Me Out of My Misery, skip through all the crap and catch up on the good stuff you missed in less than 10 minutes.
Highlights: With all of the tense dialogue, shootouts, party scenes and killer music sprinkled throughout the HBO premiere, it was tough to narrow this one down to a best moment. But we’ll go with the subtle introduction of Al Capone. Friggin’ smooth, that Al.
Lowlights: Steve Buscemi’s sex scene. The man is the go-to creep actor, which explains why he’s perfect as a crooked politician in this show. But we could do without the sex scenes of him failing to launch with a hot flapper.
Highlights: We really didn’t want to give this one a chance, but it turns out this show fills the void My Name is Earl left in the niche of fast-paced comedies about dumb rednecks doing good deeds–like keeping a baby you had after a one-night-stand with a girl who killed someone and just got the electric chair. We love a good moral.
Lowlights: Sometimes the cast tries real darn hard to mispronounce big words. The trick is to seem ig’nant, people.
Highlights: Wait, wait, hear us out: The last 30 seconds of this was the promo for next week’s show: the Britney Spears episode. Seriously, wait, think about it: Girls like the brunette, the newly breast-enhanced cheerleader, the slutty blonde cheerleader and the slutty-with-consequences blonde cheerleader will all be dressed and rubbing up against things like early 2000s Britney Spears at the same time.
Lowlights: Minutes zero-59:30.
Highlights: Much of the same shenanigans in this season premiere, but we had some serious flashbacks when Mitch’s dad and Cam try to politely kick wannabe-handyman Mitch out of a construction project. Anyone with a not-so-handy dad who couldn’t shut down his pride for one bookshelf knows the horror of being in the house when that shitshow begins.
Lowlights: The accent is cute, and she melts our queso…but seeing Sofia Vergara go into smothering Colombian mama mode was a bit terrifying.
Highlights: The office finds out Michael has just hired his nephew to be his assistant, after a painful discussion over how to use the red-slash sign.
Lowlights: Only 22 episodes to go until Michael Scott makes his grand exit.
Highlights: Betty White cameos as an I-don’t-fuck-around anthropology professor at the college. The episode was laughs from start to end (the George Clooney impersonator was gold), but the rap with Donald Glover and Betty will be keeping us laughing throughout the weekend.
Lowlights: Can we get a full hour of this, please?
Highlights: Frank is quickly becoming our favorite person in this show. He asks such philosophical questions (see video).
Lowlights: Matt Damon is back again? There are so many funny actors to pick from to be Liz’s love interest on the show, and they just bring back Damon? Yes, this show is hilarious every week, but it’s turning into 30 minutes of one-liners instead of a show with a story arc.
Highlights: Six years later, House finally taps it with Cuddy.
Lowlights: Olivia Wilde is pretty much gone. Sorry, dudes, you’ll have to fall asleep to visions of Chase dancing in your heads.
Highlights: After an earlier conversation/miscommunication about wanting to sext because of their long-distance relationship, things get complicated when Sarah tries messaging Chuck for help and Morgan intercepts the (truly) sexy pics. Trying to help a brother out, he sexts for Chuck. Also: Linda Hamilton enters as Chuck’s mom and kicks a ton of ass, plus Olivia Munn pops in and out as a Buy More.
Lowlights: Not…enough…Olivia Munn.