No matter how strange, how unlikely your perversions might be, there’s always someone out there willing to satisfy that sick and twisted mind of yours. It is one of the glories of the modern world. But we have to say, after discovering these phone sex lines catering to the most bizarre of tastes, we’re thinking of giving up on this whole modernity thing altogether. Take a look.

Wonderland Worshipers

Alright, this thing is so strange, we’ll just let the website explain:

“Loving shrinking or growing is called microphilia or macrophilia… and it’s an extremely FUN fetish for phone sex operators.”

Yup, phone sex with women who become giants or are miniaturized. But how do the tiny ones hold the phone?

Elderly Enthusiasts

Our grandmother can barely figure out the cable box, but apparently the aged crones of Granny Phone Sex have managed to put up their own website and run their own sex line. Good for them!

Inflatable Idols

Meet Jenny. Jenny has an interesting hobby. As she puts it, “I love blowing up [balloons,] one after another… Stretching the balloon out, blowing it up, tying it off and hearing that last *snap* as the rubber rolls off my finger is such a satisfying ritual.” Sure, it seems like harmless fun, but have you ever had a balloon pop against your skin? That shit hurts.

Gaseous Groupies

This one’s fairly nauseating, but frankly we can’t say it comes as much of a surprise — phone sex for fart enthusiasts. We’ll all regret this on that inevitable day when Google finally introduces smell chat.

Sex and the City Lovers

Witness Phone Sex in the City, a sex line that takes its name from the seventh level of hell TV show/movies and fronted by a woman bearing a vague resemblance to Sarah Jessica Parker. The mind boggles at the kind of man who gets turned on by Sex and the City — may we never meet such a sorry specimen.

Canada Chasers

Yes, the phone line for Canadian women and the men who love them. Seriously. As they put it, “Call our 1(800)toll free phone sex numbers and talk to kinky Canadian phone sex women in their own homes.” We wonder if they say “boobs” the same way they pronounce “about”.

Achoo Amore

Do you get off on telling women “God bless you”? Then this sneezing sex line is just for you. Best of all, in this age of swine flu and bird flu, this counts as safe sex for all those sneezing lovers.

Fractional Fetishists

For all those men who love amputees, take heart, there’s a number for you. Still, we can’t help but think that the women who run this thing don’t quite understand how phone sex works. Check out this copy from their site: “Do you love that hobble of leg during amputee phonesex? Watch me wobble around on one leg.”