Power Rankings: The 10 Best and Worst Sports Acquisitions of the Week

nnamdi asomugha mainIn one of the best conversations in Seinfeld history, George was just fired and is talking to Jerry about what he wants to do next with his life. He says he’d like to do something in sports, “like general manager of a baseball team or something.”

This was not a joke to me, but at the time when I first saw the episode, something possible. I always thought if I didn’t make it to the major leagues (which hasn’t happened yet) I would just become a general manager or something. My favorite parts of playing games like “Madden” were making trades and just simming the season. I was in a High Heat Baseball sim league, where 30 nerdy kids were just GM’s of our teams and made trades on AOL instant messenger (my Texas Rangers, led by Gary Sheffield and Luis Castillo, lost in the World Series the last year of our league).

For the last eight years or so, I’ve thrown probably the only Trading Deadline party in the world, where I invite people over to watch live coverage of the moves being made in baseball, which usually ends up being nothing important until everyone leaves and a deal is announced after the deadline.

So this week was pretty much the best week of my life. Not only was the Trading Deadline on Sunday, but the NFL basically squeezed an entire offseason into three days.

Here is a special all-acquisition edition of the weekly power rankings.

1. Chad Ochocinco goes to the Pats…

chad johnson

Love it. Mostly because I kind of hate Ochocinco and there’s no way Bill Belichek will let him pull his stupid antics when he’s with the Patriots.

2. Albert Haynesworth to the Patriots…

albert haynesworth

The Pats had one major hole to fill this offseason: A fat guy who hates football but really enjoys stomping people in the face and paralyzing people with his reckless driving. Problem solved.

3. Carlos Beltran traded to the Giants…

beltran

The Giants gave up a pretty good prospect to get him. But he does bolster the worst offense in any sport in any time in history for about 60 games.

4. Ubaldo Jimenez to the Indians…

ubaldo jimenez

Let’s say you are the Cleveland Indians, a pretty horrible team with basically no good players and somehow you are contending for a division title by some complete miracle. So they went out and got serious about being slightly better than terrible by trading for the most coveted starter on the market, who conveniently lost a couple miles an hour on his fastball and hasn’t pitched particularly well in the National League. And still no one is picking you for the division title because you have a truly bad team. And it only cost them their farm system. Seems like a good move to me.

5. Reggie Bush signs with the Dolphins…

reggie bush

If this was six years ago, you could say he was taking his talent to South Beach.

6. Plaxico Burress signs with the Jets…

plax

Can’t blame them for giving him a shot. But if you are Plax, why do you re-sign in the same city that has super harsh penalties for concealed weapons after, you know, you just spent two years in jail for that? He should have went to Texas, I think there’s a tax break for gun ownership.

7. Nnamdi Asomugha signs with the Eagles

asomugha

I drove to Cleveland this week to go to see the Indians play the Angels. On Cleveland sports talk radio they were talking about how they thought he was overrated because he didn’t have many interceptions but just shut down the receiver and broke up passes. So, if you were hoping for something more than a dominant shutdown corner who renders one entire half of the field completely useless to opposing offenses, you’re out of luck, Eagles.

8. Erik Bedard traded to the Red Sox…

erik bedard

I love Erik Bedard, mostly for fantasy related reasons. He’s a stud, one of the best pitchers in the American League. Unfortunately the knock on him is he doesn’t really pitch that often. But hey, everyone has problems, right?

9. Donavan McNabb traded to the Vikings…

mcnabb

The Vikings needed someone new to provide the “oh my God he might actually die on this hit” excitement that Brett Favre brought to the offense last season.

10. Randy Moss retires…

randy moss

He decided to end his career second on the all-time receiving touchdown list instead of sticking around to try for the record. Now he’s going to focus on his criminal record.

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