Power Rankings: 10 Sports Stories That Deserve to Be Locked Out

lockout copy

So let’s say you’re a professional sports league. And let’s say another league just decided it would be so cool to be locked out. And this is not just some league, this is the coolest league. So you are all, “I want to be cool too, even though we have had great ratings, tons of awesome young players, and the greatest sports villain just losing to a former sports villain-turned-lovable winner in the finals. Let’s jeopardize all we have and probably not play this year! We’ll be cool too then!”

Somehow David Stern is viewed as one of the greatest commissioners of any sport ever, yet the NBA is getting locked out again. Are some of
the contracts kinda terrible? Well yeah. But that’s not the player’s faults. If teams were a little more financially intelligent, people
like Nazr Muhammed would never be very, very rich for doing very, very little.

I expect the NFL lockout to end before too much damage is done. They’re making money, people are happy, and they’re smart. But the
NBA? That’s a mess. This lockout is even a worse decision than The Decision.

Here are the ten stories that should get locked out from the last week (click each pic to read the full story).

1. The NBA is locked out…

stern

On the bright side, if it lasts long enough, LeBron will never win a title.

2. Chris Bosh has the lamest four-day bachelor party in Vegas ever…

bosh

He joined his friends in seeing Criss Angel. Turns out his disappearance for most of the season was just an elaborate illusion.

3. Sheen used steroids for Major League

sheen

Also admits to using “everything else last Saturday.”

4. Brian Wilson goes crazy…

wilson

I think anyone who has ever attempted to grow a beard can relate. Sometimes it just itches too much and you attack a Gatorade cooler with a baseball bat.

5. Joey Chestnut eats 62 hot dogs…

chestnut

Unfortunately, he was the loser for the next 4-6 hours.

6. Images of current NBA players dropped from team websites…

bulls

If you’ve ever wanted to try out of a dance team, look at pictures of players from 20 years ago, or just pictures of basketballs, this is a
Golden Era for you.

7. Two people I don’t know play tennis on grass, win…

kvitova

You have to believe I’m going to use “Djokovic” and “Kvitova” in Words with Friends now.

8. Paul Kariya retires…

hockey

The number of hockey player’s people still know the name of just dropped 25%.

9. Jaromir Jagr signs with the Flyers…

jagr

Immediately replacing Kariya’s lost 25% name recognition.

10. Derek Jeter returns from the disabled list…

jeter

He’s once again able to pursue his quest of single-handedly bringing down the Yankees.

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