Ballbreaker: Kinsey Schofield

Kinsey Schofield

We ask a sexy babe what pisses her off. Today’s Ballbreaker: Kinsey Schofield

PEOPLE WHO ASSUME I CAN REPAIR OFFICE MACHINERY BECAUSE I AM ON “THE TWITTER”

No, I don’t know why the fax machine isn’t working…and I am not a pro when it comes to paper jams and the copy machine. Nothing makes me more hostile than the oldsters assuming that I am an expert on all things technology because I am capable of updating my Facebook or Twitter status. I will tap out 140 characters or less; I will not root around in office machinery and jeopardize my manicure.

MIDGETS WHO HATE THE WORD “MIDGET”

I am unsympathetic to midgets who hate the use of the word midget. According to Wikipedia, a midget is “an extremely short person.” If you’re extremely short, then it is a fact that you’re a midget. It’s like when old people don’t like being called old. Reality Check: If you need a portable set of stairs to check your mailbox, you’re extremely short, and thus, a midget. Embrace the term. Or if you can’t embrace it, at least come up with some cool new alternative like the cast of Jersey Shore has done. Terms like “grenades” or “gorilla-juiceheads” are just fun to say.

CELEBRITIES’ CHILDREN WHO THRIVE ON FAME BY PROXY

Meghan McCain sucks. The daughter of John McCain, Meggie spends her time writing books with words like “dirty” and “sexy” in the title (when there is absolutely nothing dirty or sexy within), TwitPic’ing web-cam shots of her rack and hanging out with fame-whore Tila Tequila. Rumer Willis, Sean Stewart, Ashley Hamilton, Bristol Palin–go away. Most celebrities’ children who go into the entertainment industry have absolutely no redeeming qualities nor an ounce of talent. (Tori Spelling: You are an exception. You are an American icon and we appreciate your lengthy resume of Lifetime movies.)

THE HYPE OF SOCIAL MEDIA

It is not the cure for cancer. It can be a phenomenal marketing tool, but like all things Internet, social media’s influence wanes as marketing and PR companies start whoring out their agendas by taking advantage of the next big online hub. I enter my likes and interests on Facebook so that Facebook can strategize what banners it will serve me; I send out a Tweet that I probably shouldn’t have had that brownie, and every gym in southern California starts following me. As our pages become polluted with invasive product placement, we–the target audience and taste-makers–will drop off. The Internet is supposed to be organic. Suits ruin everything.

BEING “GOOSED” BY ANY DOG THAT ISN’T MINE

I can’t help but be mildly offended every time a dog that isn’t mine decides that they want to know what I had for lunch. Having to look a stranger in the eye after their dog has just stuck their nose up your dress is shockingly more uncomfortable than you would imagine. Especially if they’re the opposite sex, because I automatically see the dog as his wingman and this a crude ice-breaker, part of their plot to collect my digits.

TEENAGERS WITH “DON’T STOP BELIEVIN’” RING-TONES

If you are currently in high school, or even college, and Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’” is your ringtone, I hope you get your ass kicked. Your parents probably conceived you to that song and, frankly, that is gross. This move is not retro or cool–and it pretty much signifies to the world that you’re still a virgin.

Kinsey Schofield is a TV personality, social media expert and celebrity blogger. She’s on the Twitter, she’s on the Facebook, she’s on the YouTube, she’s on the Tumblr–you get the idea. This week you can catch her on The Adam Carolla Show on October 27 and Fox News’ Red Eye with Greg Gutfield on October 29.

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