We ask a sexy babe what pisses her off. Today’s Ballbreaker: Desiree Starr

People Who Call Me When I’m Wet and Naked

Here’s the scenario: I’m just getting out of the shower, I’m still dripping wet and naked, and the phone rings. This happens every single day without fail. It’s like you people know when I’m dripping wet and naked. My house is tile throughout—shiny tile. It’s not just slippery when wet, it’s deadly when wet! So, I hustle to dry myself so I can reach the phone in the three rings provided, hoping the caller will leave a message to give me a few more seconds. Without leaving a message, they hang up. What is going on—do you have some sort of naked Desiree radar? Are you watching me from some remote location and giggling as I dash through my house naked? Just what sort of sadists are you?

Chain E-mails

Need I say more? Sorry, I just can’t resist saying more: If you forward this e-mail to 30 people you will be blessed with limitless riches, and 10 sexy angels will sit on your face! If you do not forward this e-mail to 30 people you will suffer seven years bad luck, you will contract an unsightly case of leprosy, your cat will pee on your face while you are sleeping, you will be humiliated on national TV, your arms will fall off, the IRS will seize all of your worldly belongings and you will suffer a gruesome untimely death, after which you will go to hell and be eternally damned! Gee, why wouldn’t I want to forward this message of hope and joy to my loved ones?

Bleeding Heart Midget Defenders

For those who have a problem with midget tossing: If they didn’t want to be tossed, do you really think they would be doing that for work? Come on people, let them capitalize on their uniqueness! Why don’t all you do-gooders ask the little people themselves for their opinions on the subject, rather than presume to know it? Personally, I happen to think it would be fun to be tossed—I’m jealous!

Big Dudes With Skinny Legs

I work out a lot, and I appreciate a man who’s in shape—but guys, you can’t neglect what’s below the waist! Congratulations on your huge chest, massive muscular arms, nice abs and the rest of it, but your legs are just two little sticks! How do those little legs carry around all that mass? Yes, ladies love a big strong upper body, but you look like a science experiment gone wrong—the upper body of a gorilla, the legs of a chicken. Please, buy a mirror, look at your legs and do something about this situation—someday your knees will thank you for it.

Desiree Starr is a fitness model and contortionist—visit her at DesireeStarr.com for more bikini, lingerie and pretzel pictures.

DISCLAIMER: Ballbreaker contributors are in reality lovely, sweet girls who are cranking up the attitude for entertainment purposes only, at the request of The Smoking Jacket.