WIZARD: A man who has magical powers, esp. in legends and fairy tales.
All this Harry Potter shit has got me thinking about when wizards were actually badass. When their poor special effects powers blew our minds. I don’t know exactly what the difference between a wizard or magical goblin or any of that shit. But I’m assuming if you can mess with man’s free will or turn people into toads or if you’re a huge rat dog capable of flying… then you’re a fucking wizard in my book.
Here’s the best eight movies of the ’80s that feature wizards and magical shit or something along those lines.
1. Excalibur (1981)
Nicol Williamson as Merlin
Merlin is a well-known wizard, but Nicol Williamson’s version makes Merlin look like a badass instead of just another pussy holding a wand stuffed in a hood.
2. The NeverEnding Story (1984)
Falkor the Luck Dragon. Not really super strong. Not really any magical powers. But he’s a fucking flying dragon dog and that’s good enough to be the greatest fucking thing ever to happen in the ’80s.
3. The Secret of NIMH (1982)
Nicodemus (voiced by Derek Jacobi), the wise and mystical leader of the rats.
The Secret of NIMH will scare the fuck out of you growing up. There’s a bunch of super intelligent rats, with super magical powers and an amulet that makes you all super human and shit. It’s a good one.
4. Labyrinth (1986)
David Bowie as Jareth, the Goblin King.
Jim Henson + David Bowie. I would gladly take that baby. There’s like a peach that acts as a date rape drug too which is pretty cool. It’s a real winner.
5. Stunt Rock (1980)
Sure. Maybe not magical wizards in the correct sense. Their Wizardry couldn’t change people into toads or any of that shit. But Sorcery was a rock band that can make you bow down with the power of rock.
6. Conan the Destroyer (1984)
Akiro the Wizard played by Mako Iwamatsu.
Awesome Asian man who has magical powers or something I’m not too sure.
7. Return to Oz (1985)
Return to Oz was batshit crazy and creepy cool. Features a bunch of magical talking rocks and this sorceress named Mombi who is a real cunt.
8. Willow (1988)
Bunch of cool magic shit in this one that features a fricken dwarf as its lead who gets all these magic powers and shit like that. See it for the dwarf, stay for Val Kilmer.